Friday, January 13, 2012

New Year . . . New Life

So, it's January. A month of starting over and new beginnings and I am here not knowing where to begin.

Well, first off I want to say 'thank you' to everyone who left a comment on my last post and has wished me well. The encouragement was much appreciated!

I haven't been 'around' much for the last two months, and I have been wondering if I should even continue this little blog. However, after a lot of  thought and prayer, I really believe that I need to be in this space sharing my life with myself and anyone else who may like to tag along. And so I am here- and that means sharing where my life has been for the past two months.

Warning . . . it isn't pretty. 
But I'll keep it short and to the point.

Two months ago, after thirteen years of marriage, my husband and I separated after finding out he had been unfaithful to me.

Okay . . . there it is. Of course, it's much more complicated then just that little sentence up above, but that's a good place to start.

I'll spare everyone the details, but suffice it to say that I am suffering big time. He was my very best friend, the father of my children, and my sweetheart since high school. I miss him terribly.
And then there are the fears that push in. I have two kids and no income, no idea what to do or where to go from here. I've been in a frozen state of shock and I am now only beginning to thaw. 

So why am I here sharing this? That is a good question and one that does have an answer:

I'm sharing my life openly, because I believe in the joy that comes from bearing one another's burdens. Everyone faces storms in life- or hurricanes. Everyone experiences fear, failure, pain. We miss out if we spend our lives hiding and pretending things are fine when they are not. We miss out on the unexpected love that is found in places and from people that we never knew was there. We miss out on the help that is available if only we are honest and not ashamed of our neediness. And we make others miss out on the opportunity to share too- to encourage, and comfort and be available. These are all  blessings we can give and receive when we humble ourselves and let life be real.

And let me say, I have been loved beyond measure these last two months- encircled by God's love for me, and by the love of those who know Him. He has shown me ridiculous love in ridiculous places- there are friends I never knew I had, and encouragement from some who I hardly even knew.

 I am here- because I want to pass on the blessings that can be found in the storm. Truly, God is in those storm clouds.  I can testify to that.

So all in all, this new year will mark the beginning of a new road for me; a new path and a new life. I will face it knowing He goes before me. To be honest, I can't see past a single day- but I'm learning that is a good place to be. It forces me to live 'today' and keep my eyes on Christ.

I still plan on sharing beautiful things and rejoicing in the joy of the seasons- that is a large part of who I am. But I will also be sharing from the hours of this new season in my own life. And searching for the joy and beauty in them, too.

 I welcome you to join me.



  1. You are one brave woman! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time in your life. Just remember that Fear is Faith that it won't work out, and if you are brave enough to bare your soul here then you are brave enough to get through anything.
    My thoughts are with you my dear friend. Surround yourself with happy things, thank him for your beautiful children, and smile with the thought of a joy you once only imagined.

  2. Good on you for being courageous. We love you.

  3. My heart aches that you have to go through this time of pain.
    I have not known you long, but I do know these things: you are a Strong Beautiful Woman and a very awesome Mother.
    When I went through a painful time a few years ago, a friend shared an analogy, She told me to think of this time as climbing a very hard cold Mountain, that sometimes you will fall down and scrape your knees, sometimes you will just want to give up, but you wont, and you will keep climbing upward, Because God told you that this climb/pain would be worthwhile and He has a plan all along, and He promised the view would be breathtaking.
    I know that is the same with you, right now it hurts, and its ugly and you cant see the valley below.
    But, He has something amazing and wonderful planned for you!
    All you have to do is get through this ugly bit...and we are are here to help you with that, tend your wounds and help you up when you fall.
    Take care, Friend.

  4. Prairie Rose says it well. I want to say, "Yeah, what she said!"

  5. Just found your blog; we are much in the same boat I'm afraid - only the numbers are different: 5 months ago, 17 years of marriage, 3 kids. It is TOUGH. Most days the tears are just beneath the surface, threatening to spill even when I have a smile on my face in the middle of conversations with others. Too many thoughts, too many conversations played over and over in my head, the result always the same.
    Sending you all the encouragement I can. I am in a different frame of mind now than 5 months ago and credit my faith, friends and family for helping me hold it all together. I can't honestly say it gets 'better' but things just don't seem as bad as they initially were. Life is different and while my kids and I are adapting to new routines we are also making new memories with just the four of us.
    Keep the faith, it will help see you through this and beyond.


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