So, it's January. A month of starting over and new beginnings and I am here not knowing where to begin.
Well, first off I want to say 'thank you' to everyone who left a comment on my last post and has wished me well. The encouragement was much appreciated!
I haven't been 'around' much for the last two months, and I have been wondering if I should even continue this little blog. However, after a lot of thought and prayer, I really believe that I need to be in this space sharing my life with myself and anyone else who may like to tag along. And so I am here- and that means sharing where my life has been for the past two months.
Warning . . . it isn't pretty.
But I'll keep it short and to the point.
Two months ago, after thirteen years of marriage, my husband and I separated after finding out he had been unfaithful to me.
Okay . . . there it is. Of course, it's much more complicated then just that little sentence up above, but that's a good place to start.
I'll spare everyone the details, but suffice it to say that I am suffering big time. He was my very best friend, the father of my children, and my sweetheart since high school. I miss him terribly.
And then there are the fears that push in. I have two kids and no income, no idea what to do or where to go from here. I've been in a frozen state of shock and I am now only beginning to thaw.
So why am I here sharing this? That is a good question and one that does have an answer:
I'm sharing my life openly, because I believe in the joy that comes from bearing one another's burdens. Everyone faces storms in life- or hurricanes. Everyone experiences fear, failure, pain. We miss out if we spend our lives hiding and pretending things are fine when they are not. We miss out on the unexpected love that is found in places and from people that we never knew was there. We miss out on the help that is available if only we are honest and not ashamed of our neediness. And we make others miss out on the opportunity to share too- to encourage, and comfort and be available. These are all blessings we can give and receive when we humble ourselves and let life be real.
And let me say, I have been loved beyond measure these last two months- encircled by God's love for me, and by the love of those who know Him. He has shown me ridiculous love in ridiculous places- there are friends I never knew I had, and encouragement from some who I hardly even knew.
I am here- because I want to pass on the blessings that can be found in the storm. Truly, God is in those storm clouds. I can testify to that.
So all in all, this new year will mark the beginning of a new road for me; a new path and a new life. I will face it knowing He goes before me. To be honest, I can't see past a single day- but I'm learning that is a good place to be. It forces me to live 'today' and keep my eyes on Christ.
I still plan on sharing beautiful things and rejoicing in the joy of the seasons- that is a large part of who I am. But I will also be sharing from the hours of this new season in my own life. And searching for the joy and beauty in them, too.
I welcome you to join me.